Part 5 of Marriage and Family
Scripture: 1 Corinthians 7:7
“I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that.” (1 Corinthians 7:7, LSB). With these words, the Apostle Paul affirms a remarkable truth often neglected in our family discussions: both singleness and marriage are gifts from God. In the grand mission of the Kingdom of God, unmarried believers and married believers each have unique roles to play. The church, as the family of God, is composed of people in differing life seasons and callings, all working together for the gospel. Yet, throughout history (and especially in modern church culture), marriage has sometimes been idolized as the superior status, and singles have been made to feel incomplete or second-class. On the other hand, some secular voices devalue marriage as unnecessary or even burdensome, exalting singleness and autonomy as the ideal. Both extremes miss the biblical vision.
God calls some to marriage, and He calls others to singleness – and each calling is a vocation for Kingdom service. Jesus Himself lived a perfect, fulfilled life as a single man, wholly devoted to His Father’s work. The Apostle Paul embraced celibacy and argued for its advantages in ministry (1 Cor. 7:32-35). Meanwhile, God also highly honors marriage – Christ’s first miracle blessed a wedding (John 2), and Paul extols marriage as a profound illustration of Christ and the church (Eph. 5:31-32). The key is that neither marriage nor singleness is ultimate; the Kingdom of God is ultimate. Both states are penultimate ways to serve that ultimate purpose. In this concluding article, we will affirm the goodness of both marriage and singleness under Christ, freeing each person to embrace their season or calling without inferiority or idolization. We will explore how married couples and single individuals can partner in the mission of the church, and how the family of God provides relational fullness that transcends biological family ties. Our tone is pastoral and uplifting: we want to liberate the unmarried from stigma and the married from idolatry, helping each to value the other as integral parts of Christ’s body. As Chris Reighley wrote earlier, our goal is wholeness and mission for everyone, whatever their civil status may be .
Marriage: A Gift for Partnership in Mission
The first chapters of Genesis establish marriage as a creation ordinance. “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him” (Gen. 2:18). God’s design for marriage was companionship (“one flesh” unity) and partnership in the cultural mandate (filling and subduing the earth, Gen. 1:28). In the New Testament, marriage is further dignified as a picture of Christ’s covenant love (Eph. 5:25-32). Thus, marriage is unquestionably a high and holy calling. Those who marry enter into a sacred covenant that should be kept for life (Matt. 19:6). Within that covenant, husband and wife practice unique aspects of discipleship: learning to love sacrificially, submit mutually out of reverence for Christ, raise children in the Lord (if God grants children), show hospitality, and model the love between Jesus and His people. In a very real sense, a godly marriage advances the Kingdom by being a microcosm of the gospel. Jesus said our unity and love would cause the world to know we are His disciples (John 13:35, 17:21). A Christ-centered marriage produces a strong witness: in a culture of broken relationships, a loving, lasting marriage stands out as light. It also creates a stable context for raising up the next generation of Kingdom ambassadors (Mal. 2:15).
However, we must remember that marriage is not the ultimate relationship – it points to something greater. Jesus taught that in the resurrection people “neither marry nor are given in marriage” (Matt. 22:30), indicating that earthly marriages are temporary, whereas our relationship to Christ is eternal. Therefore, while marriage is a precious gift for this life, it should not be viewed as our highest fulfillment. Our spouse is not our savior; our spouse is our fellow servant. Married couples do well to adopt a Kingdom mindset: like Priscilla and Aquila in the New Testament, seeing their union as a team for ministry (Acts 18:26, Rom. 16:3). When a husband and wife together mentor younger believers, practice hospitality for seekers, support missionaries, or even do mission work themselves, they are leveraging their marriage for Kingdom impact. This is by God’s design – marriage was meant not just for the happiness of the couple (though it brings joy), but for the purpose of glorifying God and serving others. As one marriage book says, “What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?” (Thomas, 2000, p. 13). The refinement and teamwork of marriage indeed help fulfill God’s mission.
That said, in upholding marriage’s goodness, the church must avoid idolizing it. Sometimes Christian culture can imply that one isn’t a fully mature adult until married, or push everyone toward marriage regardless of calling. This has caused some to rush into ill-advised marriages or to feel unnecessarily inadequate if unmarried. We must remember Paul’s caution that those who marry “will have trouble in this life” (1 Cor. 7:28) – marriage is a beautiful burden with unique trials (financial stress, parenting challenges, etc.). It is one path of obedience, not the only path. Married people should not look down on singles with pity, as if they are missing out on the most important thing. In fact, as we’ll see, Paul suggests singles might be missing out on less in terms of Kingdom opportunity! Thus, we honor marriage—celebrating weddings, supporting couples, providing marriage enrichment—while keeping it subordinate to our ultimate marriage to Christ. The very best marriages are those where both spouses realize Christ is first, spouse second. This prioritization actually blesses the marriage itself (Matt. 6:33). And it prevents spousal relationships from becoming an idol or isolating unit closed off from others. Married couples in the church should intentionally include singles in their broader “family” activities, remembering Jesus’ call to invite those who cannot repay us (Luke 14:12-14). By doing so, they live out that the Kingdom of God is a big family in which natural families are a part, not a whole.
Singleness: A Gift for Undivided Devotion
Counter to some expectations, the New Testament presents singleness as not only valid but in many cases advantageous for gospel work. Paul, immediately after the verse we opened with, elaborates: “The unmarried man is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord; but the married man is concerned about… how he may please his wife, and his interests are divided” (1 Cor. 7:32-34). Paul is not criticizing marriage (which he elsewhere commends), but he is highlighting the practical reality that a single Christian can often allocate time and energy to ministry that a married person simply cannot, due to family duties. We see this principle in action throughout church history. Many of the great early missionaries and Christian workers were single (or effectively single for long periods): the Apostle Paul himself, Lottie Moon in China, Amy Carmichael in India, John Stott (a lifelong single pastor and theologian), etc. A person who is not bound to the responsibilities of spouse and children can often be more mobile, more flexible with schedule, and able to take certain risks in service that might be unwise for someone with dependents .
Singleness is also commended in Scripture as an opportunity for undistracted intimacy with God. In 1 Corinthians 7:35, Paul says he speaks of singleness “for your own benefit… to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord.” A single believer can order their life wholly around the Lord’s calling for them, without needing to consult or accommodate a spouse’s calling. This can foster a rich life of prayer, study, and service. We think of Anna, the prophetess who was a widow and served God with fastings and prayers daily in the temple (Luke 2:36-37). She had a unique role in welcoming the infant Messiah, effectively functioning as part of the spiritual “family” that nurtured Jesus (along with Simeon). Jesus himself spoke of those who choose to remain unmarried “for the sake of the kingdom of heaven” (Matt. 19:12) – indicating a voluntary celibacy embraced to better serve God’s mission. Church history sometimes termed this the “gift of celibacy,” which not everyone has (Jesus says “the one who is able to accept it, let him accept it”). Paul and Jesus both make clear: singleness can be a calling freely accepted for Kingdom purposes, and it is honorable.
Unfortunately, in some segments of church culture, singleness is viewed only as a problem to be solved (via marriage) rather than a gift to be stewarded. We must correct this by teaching what Scripture teaches. One practical step is to incorporate examples of single heroes of the faith in our sermons and lessons, so that unmarried congregants see models they can relate to. Another step is to watch our language: instead of asking singles “So when are you going to find someone?” (which can imply they are incomplete), we might ask “What do you feel God is calling you to do these days?” – thus valuing their calling now. The church should also be mindful in programming: rather than segregating ministries such that singles always meet separately from marrieds, foster integrated fellowship where all generations and life stages mingle as true family. Titus 2 calls for older women to mentor younger women – this mentoring should be based on spiritual maturity, not marital status; a godly older single woman can mentor a young wife on prayer and faith, and vice versa a seasoned married woman can mentor a younger single woman on contentment and life skills. In the body of Christ, we all need one another (1 Cor. 12:21-26).
It’s worth addressing that some are single not by immediate choice but by circumstance (haven’t met the right person, or divorced, or widowed). Such individuals may not feel “called to singleness” permanently and might deeply desire marriage. The church’s role is to both encourage contentment in the present and support godly pursuit of marriage if that’s where the individual is led. We should neither pressure people to marry nor create barriers to marriage. Sadly, in some church communities with skewed gender ratios or few opportunities for young adults to meet, singles languish feeling forgotten. Churches can respond by facilitating wholesome social connections, perhaps collaborating with other congregations for singles retreats or service projects where friendships (and potential courtships) can form. Importantly, whether someone remains single or eventually marries, they need to be valued every step of the way. Paul’s concept of the church as a body means the hand shouldn’t say “because I’m not married, I’m not needed” any more than it should say “because I’m not single, I’m not needed.” All are needed. We must intentionally deploy the gifts of unmarried saints in ministry – whether that’s inviting them to lead a mission team, recognizing their extra availability to volunteer, or even considering them for leadership roles. The early church had single leaders (e.g., Paul, Timothy was possibly single or widowed as no spouse is mentioned). We should follow suit as led by the Spirit and qualifications, not marital status.
The Church as the Eternal Family
Both Jesus and Paul radically redefine family in light of the Kingdom. Jesus, when told His mother and brothers were waiting, replied, “Whoever does the will of My Father in heaven is My brother and sister and mother” (Matt. 12:49-50). And Paul refers to fellow believers as brothers and sisters over 100 times in his epistles. This was not to diminish earthly family responsibilities (Jesus cared for His mother even on the cross, John 19:26-27), but to elevate the spiritual family of the church as an eternal reality. In Christ, single and married alike find true belonging. The loneliness that singles sometimes feel can be alleviated in a church that truly lives as a family. Likewise, the isolation that some nuclear families feel in our fragmented society can be remedied when they connect to the wider church family. Single adults can become like beloved aunts/uncles to married people’s children in the church (many a parent can attest how a godly single friend poured into their kids in valued ways). Conversely, married families can “adopt” a single person for holidays or weekly dinner. In doing so, both are enriched. This intertwining is what the early church practiced – “Day by day continuing with one mind… breaking bread from house to house, they were taking their meals together with gladness” (Acts 2:46). The family of God gathered in homes, sometimes in households that included singles, marrieds, widows, orphans all together . Our modern habit of segmenting by demographic has weakened those bonds; but we can intentionally rebuild them.
We should also affirm that while marriage is normative for most, singleness is not abnormal. Jesus, Paul, and many others lived whole, impactful lives as single. The church can communicate this affirmation by celebrating milestones in singles’ lives with the same gusto as we do weddings and baby showers. For instance, if a single adult achieves a significant academic or career goal, or embarks on a long-term mission, the church can “shower” them with prayers and resources, acknowledging God’s work in their life. In doing so, we send the message that Kingdom service is what we honor – whether through the context of marriage or singleness.
Married Christians should likewise be careful not to form cliques that exclude singles. It’s easy for couples to only socialize with other couples. But a healthy church encourages a mix. Perhaps home groups can be deliberately mixed in composition. When planning a fun outing, consider inviting a single brother or sister along. Small gestures matter. Similarly, single Christians should resist any resentment toward married folks or families, recognizing that each calling has its burdens. Instead of envy, Scripture calls for contentment: “I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am” (Phil. 4:11). That contentment often grows as one engages fully in church life, focusing on serving others rather than on one’s unmet desires. Often, singles who immerse themselves in ministry find deep joy and spiritual family that fulfills much of what they yearn for. And should God later provide a spouse, that will simply add to an already full life, not rescue an empty one. If God does not provide a spouse, that life is still full in Christ and His church. The church family can also be a support network for practical needs that singles might have (like help with moves, finances in emergencies, etc., which a spouse might otherwise provide). In Acts 2:44-45, believers shared resources so that needs were met – this is family behavior. Truly, the church is called to be “a hundredfold” family to those who sacrifice normal family ties for the Lord (Mark 10:29-30) .
Serving the Kingdom Together
When marriage and singleness are both honored, the church gains the full benefit of its manpower for mission. Married couples can serve as units, and singles can serve in ways couples cannot – together, they cover more ground. Consider a mission team: a married couple on the team might model Christian marriage to those observing, while a single team member might have more flexibility to do spontaneous outreach or stay later in conversations without need to get back to family. Or consider church staffing: Paul (a single man) and Peter (a married man, 1 Cor. 9:5) were both apostles – their perspectives would complement. Similarly, church elders or ministry leaders could include single voices and married voices to enrich decision-making. A single person might notice needs or have time for relational ministry that a married leader with young kids might miss, and vice versa.
In discipleship, singles and marrieds minister to each other. Married folks often need the friendship and perspective of single friends to avoid insular thinking, and singles can benefit from the wisdom and stability of married mentors. Truly, we are “one body with many parts” (1 Cor. 12:12), and God has so composed it that each part’s contribution is indispensable. The Kingdom of God advances on multiple relational fronts: through Christian homes raising children in truth and through devoted single saints evangelizing in the marketplace; through hospitality offered by families andhospitality offered by singles with the gift of availability; through the testimony of faithfulness in marriage and the testimony of contentment in singleness.
The ultimate vision in Revelation 7:9 is a great multitude from every nation, all worshiping the Lamb. Interestingly, earthly marital status is absent in that description – what unites everyone is being part of the Bride of Christ. Earthly marriages will have served their purpose by then, and every person will stand equally a part of the Bride. This reminds us that even now, our unity in Christ supersedes other distinctions. Galatians 3:28 famously says in Christ there is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female – we could add, neither married nor single, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.
In conclusion, the church must uphold a balanced, Kingdom-focused view: Marriage is a gift; singleness is a gift. Each has its unique challenges and opportunities, but neither is permanent – only the Kingdom is. Therefore, we do not find our ultimate identity in being married or not, but in being followers of Jesus. When the church lives this out, it becomes a compelling community where all can belong. Married couples who idolize family are gently refocused on mission, and lonely singles are enfolded into family. The church becomes indeed a “new household” (Eph. 2:19) where we are brothers and sisters in the truest sense.
Imagine a local church where a single older gentleman, a widowed grandmother, a young married couple with toddlers, and a college student all gather weekly in a home for fellowship – and genuinely delight in each other’s company, bearing each other’s burdens. That is not mere imagination; that is the biblical church in action (Acts 2:42-47). In such a community, both singles and marrieds flourish and carry out God’s work hand in hand.
Let us, then, disciple believers to bloom where they are planted. If you are single, leverage your singleness for Christ – it may be for a season or for life, but trust God’s goodness in it. If you are married, view your marriage as a ministry and welcome others into your family circle. And let all of us prize above all our part in the Bride of Christ. For one day, we will attend the ultimate wedding – “the marriage supper of the Lamb” (Rev. 19:9) – as one united, perfected family of God. On that day, the transient distinctions of this age will fade, and what will remain is love (1 Cor. 13:13) – the love of God for His people and our love for Him and one another. Living in light of that future, we can fully honor both singleness and marriage now, as we together seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness.
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References
MacArthur, J. (1998). The Fulfilled Family. Moody Publishers.
Pearcey, N. (2018). Love Thy Body. Baker Books.
Stott, J. (2014). The Single Christian: Living as One in a World of Twos. (Article in Christianity Today).
Thomas, G. (2000). Sacred Marriage. Zondervan.
Yuan, C. (2018). Holy Sexuality and the Gospel: Sex, Desire, and Relationships Shaped by God’s Grand Story. Multnomah.
